


Insecure

by plainboxes



Category: Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Fluff, Insecure Alec, M/M, Too much fluff, handjob
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-16
Updated: 2013-11-16
Packaged: 2018-01-01 18:21:05
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,803
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1047088
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/plainboxes/pseuds/plainboxes
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>I've never written something like this before, so I'm really sorry if it isn't to your tastes! I'll try to improve it in the future, but anyway, here it is! P.S. If anyone is willing to be a beta for me, that would be awesome! I tend to get really long-winded and I think I might need some help... </p><p>Enjoy!</p>
    </blockquote>





	Insecure

**Author's Note:**

> I've never written something like this before, so I'm really sorry if it isn't to your tastes! I'll try to improve it in the future, but anyway, here it is! P.S. If anyone is willing to be a beta for me, that would be awesome! I tend to get really long-winded and I think I might need some help... 
> 
> Enjoy!

The way Alec saw it, Magnus was flamboyant. Loud. Flirtatious.

Beautiful.

…

He probably liked... intercourse.

It was obviously a fact, Alec conceded after a second. Not a probability, but a fact. For one, almost everyone he knew kept talking about the wonders of it and how it felt wonderful, and the existence of prostitutes lay proof to the popularity of bodily pleasures. Other than that, considering the thousands of people he had been with in the past eight centuries, it couldn’t come as a surprise if he had become incredibly adept at… that. Intercourse.

That didn’t bother Alec. Well, yeah, the idea did send a stab of jealousy into his heart, but what was he to do? He wasn’t even born yet, so how was he to interfere with the many lovers Magnus had had?

It didn’t matter now, at any rate. Perhaps it was because of the many people that Magnus had slept with that had shaped the warlock into who he was now. He appreciated the Magnus he knew very much.

The thing about having a sexually experienced and extremely handsome boyfriend was that there was always the fear that Alec would never be good enough. How could he? He hadn’t kissed anyone (at least not on the lips) before Magnus. His lack of experience in this particular field was one of his top insecurities, but then there was also the fact that he was littered with scars.

It was generally quite impossible to be a Shadowhunter and not have scars. Scars were a proof of courage, of acknowledgement as a full-fledged Shadowhunter, and all, Alec included, carried scars with pride. They proved him as a warrior, as someone who had the ability to carry out his job well, and Alec was never ashamed of it.

He liked the faded, whitened scars, even. They would never completely disappear, the marks a constant reminder of his incompetency that had led to the sustaining of such deep wounds. They drove him to practice everyday, to improve himself so that he would be a better warrior, a better friend, a better brother capable of protecting those he loved.

They were marks of pride, and yet when it came to showing his naked body to his boyfriend, the thought of it did not sit well with him. It made him self-conscious of the fact that Magnus had a flawless, well-maintained body that he lacked. He had slim muscles, as did Magnus, but his body was filled with countless scars that he was sure his boyfriend might not appreciate.

It was this thought that bothered Alec the most. It had also resulted in the lack of progress in their relationship, where they were limited to kissing and very, very light making out. Which didn’t involve any removal of clothes (except gloves and scarves, but that didn’t count… did it?).

Magnus had been very supportive, despite Alec constantly shying away, and Alec marveled at the fact that this man had stayed by his side through thick and thin and didn’t seem to mind that they hadn’t actually done more on the “physical pleasure” side other than lots and lots of kissing. And a bit of sucking. (He didn’t want to think about it. The memory of it made him blush at the most inopportune moments.)

 

* * *

 

“Magnus?” Alec whispered as he set his book aside, He was half-hoping that Magnus would and wouldn’t be able to hear him. He didn’t know which one he preferred.

“Yes?” … Warlocks’ ears were rather sharp, after all.

Alec shifted uncomfortably in his seat, watching as Magnus lazily stretched on the bed. “Do you ever wish we could do it? As in, intercourse?”

“Sex, you mean?” Alec nodded slowly. “We’re taking it slow now. I’ll wait until you’re more comfortable. Why the sudden question, though?”

“Nothing, I’m just wondering,” he trailed off. He was insecure of his body, but there was the side of him that was extremely interested in what it felt like to be touched more intimately.

No way was he going to tell Magnus, though.

Magnus smiled as he made his way towards Alec, pulling him to sit on the queen-sized bed Magnus owned. “Are you curious about it?”

Alec panicked, unable to reply for a moment because yes, he was a bit curious. But telling Magnus was plain embarrassing. “No! I mean…”

“You sure?” Magnus smirked as he slung an arm around Alec.

Alec just looked at the floor unsteadily, willing down a flush and his nervous, quickening heartbeat. He began to play with his fingers, squeezing the fingers on his left hand and rubbing the pads of his fingers against his right thumb.

Carefully, Magnus palmed his cheek and guided Alec to face him. Alec still couldn’t bring himself to look into his boyfriend’s eyes, cheeks flushing hotter.

“Alec darling, you don’t have to be embarrassed by your want to have sex,” he soothingly said. “I don’t want to force you into anything you don’t want either, but since right now you’re not averse to the idea, I think we can do a bit more than what we are now. I won’t jump straight to sex, of course, but we’ll get you more used to being unclothed today. Is that alright?”

The shadowhunter still found the floor extremely interesting, but it appeared that he was listening, as he stiffly nodded.

Magnus leaned forward and pressed his lips to Alec’s, giving him a chaste kiss before he began to suck on Alec’s upper lip. Relatively more used to the idea of kissing, Alec began to respond in kind. He used his tongue to deepen the kiss, arms coming up to rest on Magnus’ shoulders.

Normally, it was Magnus who led and guided Alec along when it came to kissing, but now that Alec did seem rather confident in his skills (and Magnus wasn’t complaining), he let his boyfriend take the lead. It was cute, even- the way he would chance a glance at Magnus occasionally as if for confirmation that he was kissing properly. Really, when it came to kissing though, there was no right or wrong. There was only ‘feel right’, and ‘feel wrong’.

It felt like heaven. Alec slid his tongue into Magnus’ mouth, boldly licking everything he could as the warlock began to suck his lips into his own mouth.

It was hot. But of course, Magnus didn’t need to know that, provided he didn’t already know that.

Magnus not-so-discreetly slid his hands up Alec’s shirt, fingers touching and feeling everywhere he could reach. First was Alec’s abdomen, and in his slightly aroused state, Alec could only hitch a breath as Magnus probed more sensitive spots that he hadn’t even known existed until a few weeks ago, paying special attention to them while still being able to kiss mind-blowingly well. He didn’t quite know what to focus on; the kiss, or the fleeting, gentle touches on his body?

Magnus trailed his hands further upwards, up to where Alec’s nipples lay. The shadowhunter seldom allowed him anywhere near them, for some reason he couldn’t fathom. This time, though, Alec seemed to be more willing for him to work his magic (in the most figurative way) on that area. Carefully, he used his thumbs to circle each nipple and took his time with pressing onto the nub with a little pressure, before he began rubbing on it back and forth.

Alec couldn’t help but hitch a breath as he broke away from Magnus, panting heavily as he tried to get himself accustomed to the sensations. He tried to squirm away instinctively, body in want while Alec’s mind was still slightly shy at the ministrations.

OK, Alec admitted it. He was sort of a prude. But that was because he had been brought up to focus more on fighting for survival, rather than doing something about his sexual experience. Besides, how did anyone expect him to take off his shirt nonchalantly the way Magnus did? The man had a body of an angel (not that he’d actually inspected an angel’s body intently before) that nobody would be able to better. He’d definitely pale in comparison.

What if Magnus got turned off by his body?

Well, at least his shirt was still on, Alec inwardly sighed in relief, accidentally letting out a breathy moan as Magnus suddenly did something to him. Damn it, he’d been trying to hold back the sounds stuck in his throat, but when his concentration was broken, they came out so easily… and with such a weird voice. Alec blushed as he shifted his eyes to view the blue ceiling, bringing his arms to form a cross as they pressed against his mouth and face, hoping they could muffle the weird sounds and the funny face he must be making.

It was difficult, really. The way Magnus could navigate his body so easily to bring out Alec’s most embarrassing side when they weren’t even unclothed yet was appalling. Alec was most definitely going to die and go up in flames by the time they actually … did it.

He looked down discreetly for a split second and back at the ceiling as Magnus lighted touched and rubbed yet another area on his body that had never been sensitive before, scrunching his face up as he tried to restrain the sound.

At that moment, Magnus attempted to remove Alec’s shirt.

“M-Magnus,” he managed to whisper urgently.

The warlock stopped completely for a moment. “Are you okay? What’s wrong? I can stop here if you don’t want this,” he tenderly spoke, looking over the disheveled state of his boyfriend.

“No, don’t,” Alec shut his eyes after a moment of consideration.

“Are you sure?” Magnus reached up to kiss Alec’s forehead and move his arms away to plant another kiss on his lips. “There’s nothing you have to worry about, okay, darling? I’ll take care of everything.” He proceeded to run his fingers through Alec’s hair slowly as a comforting gesture, trying not to move too fast lest it scare Alec away.

“That’s not exactly the problem here,” Alec whispered after another moment of silence.

Magnus waited for Alec to continue, fingers doing nice things to Alec’s scalp.

“It’s just- I- My body is-“ he growled in frustration at his incapability to sound out his thoughts properly. Magnus gave him a kind smile as he urged him on.

Alec took a deep breath and tried again. “You know I’m a Shadowhunter. We- we hunt demons, we get hurt. We get scarred.” He paused. “Magnus, you’re a warlock. You don’t actually need to get physically hurt if you’re in a fight. Your body is flawless, just as you are. I don’t think you deserve someone as ugly, as scarred as me, when you could get so many others who are a thousand times more good looking than I am.” He chanced a glance at Magnus. “And I don’t want you to be disappointed when you actually see my body instead of, you know. Touching. It probably looks a lot worse than it feels. You’d be better off with someone else who isn’t as annoying and clingy as me, and has much nicer skin too.”

Alec didn’t deserve someone as perfect as Magnus, and it was a miracle that the warlock had even taken an interest in him. While he wanted to please Magnus with his body, how could he, when his body wasn’t even satisfactory?

By this time, Magnus’ face had turned grim.

Alec feared that Magnus might actually be considering his words and going to another person. He didn’t mean to tell his boyfriend he didn’t want him around, it was just so unbelievable that he didn’t quite believe it.

Maybe he should have crafted his words a bit better…

It seemed to be a night of silences, as they both could hear each other’s uneven breaths. It took a while before Magnus found the right words to express himself.

“Darling,” he began.

Alec gulped.

“There’s one thing I need to make clear. I love you, Alec. Alec and Alec alone. No one else. I’ve lived for centuries, but you’re the first to make me feel as much as you have. I wouldn’t dream of going to another man or woman when I already have you. You’re more than enough.”

“And when I say love? I mean I love you, Alec. The person inside and outside. I love you as you are. I love your hair, love your eyes, love your mouth, love your scars, love your personality just as much. ‘Annoying’ and ‘clingy’, you say? Believe me, Alexander, I know what an annoying and clingy person is. You definitely aren’t one. I’d be happy if you relied on me more, get more annoying, get more clingy, because I can’t get enough of you. At the moment, I think I’m being even more clingy than you are, and if we’re both clingy, by your standards, I don’t really think there’s a problem, is there?”

“About your scars? I love your scars, darling, because they make you you. They aren’t disgusting or gross in any way, either, I find them sexy, even. So don’t ever demean yourself like this, understand?” he looked at Alec sternly. “I promise I won’t hurt you. I’ll just look, but if you’re really uncomfortable, then I won’t force you.”

Magnus suddenly winked, breaking the sombre atmosphere. “But then that means I doubt we’ll be having sex anytime soon, which you so humbly requested for sometime ago.”

Alec sputtered in surprise, mind reeling at the words and flushing yet again. Was that really how Magnus thought? Did he really like Alec so much? He was plain, boring old Alec. What was there to like? And yet here was Magnus, telling him his scars were sexy and he wasn’t really clingy even though Alec craved his company all the time and being so sweet and charming Alec really, really couldn’t believe that such a great person even liked him.

Before nerves got the better of him again, Alec pulled Magnus on top of him for another hug, burrowing his face into the warlock’s chest to breathe in his earthy scent.

He mumbled something into Magnus’ chest, because hey, the Chest of Magnus the Warlock was a great conversational partner who could understand and answer nicely to muffled and incoherent speech.

Alec liked the way Magnus’ chest vibrated when he laughed, because after that was always the customary ruffle of his hair that was very comfortable.

He was glad Magnus didn’t press the issue of what he had said to Mr Chest of Magnus.

The two rested in comfortable silence, before Magnus decided to break it again.

“So.”

“So…?”

“Alexander Gideon Lightwood, would you be so inclined to partake in more pleasurable activities right now, or would you rather cuddle?”

The person in question burst into quick laughter, lazily slapping his boyfriend’s back. “Your choice.”

“And so it will be!” came the answer, and Magnus trailed his lips up his neck to nip at his earlobes, sucking it into his mouth and toying with it.

It was one of those pleasurable spots that had Alec hissing even as he sunk into the pillow to enjoy the sensation, inwardly cursing the sudden rush of air and the unexpected whine that followed. He felt slightly boneless from such a simple ministration, which was funny because he was a human, he had bones, how could he boneless and why was he thinking of such a ridiculous thing?

“ –off?”

He seemed to have missed something.

“… Sorry?”

“Enjoying yourself too much, Alexander? Then I’m sure you’re going to like this part even more. If you would let me take off your shirt, for starters…?”

Alec flushed, hoping Magnus would miraculously get the message to not stare at him as if worshipping him and just look. Away.

Well, it wasn’t much of a surprise the warlock didn’t read minds.

He tried expressing himself the verbal way. “Do you mind?” He sort of pointed at the ceiling and way to go, Alec, he can totally float up the ceiling while looking away for a moment would be adequate.

Alec reminded himself that he had a pretty good sense of humour, if he did say so himself. Nobody realized.

Magnus simply laughed, winking. “Does it matter? I’ll be seeing your body soon enough.”

Alec couldn’t control the rush of heat up his ears, bashfully turning his face to the side.

“It’s just… weird.”

“You’ve stripped in front of Jace before, why can’t you do it with me?”

Alec bit his lower lip for a while, before he whispered, “You’re different.”

If it weren’t for Magnus’ sensitive hearing, he probably wouldn’t have heard anything.

Magnus smirked. “Different?” he pressed. “In what way?”

He knew Magnus was doing this on purpose. “Just different,” he answered vaguely, digging his fingernails into the sheets. “You don’t need to know.”

“Well, if you’re not telling, I could get it out of you some other time. Right now, I just want this shirt off. Now.”

Alec hesitated.

“Or I’ll get it off myself. Just a snap of my fingers. Warlock, remember?”

“It’s an abuse of your powers, but I know you don’t care anyway,” Alec smiled and proceeded to take off his shirt, mind going ‘it’s now or next time’ and Alec preferred now, despite his insecurities, as opposed to ‘next time’.

“Well then, here we go!” Magnus teased as his hands started sliding everywhere he could now freely touch. First was Alec’s cheeks, and then his neck, and then there was a sudden squeeze of his two butt cheeks that made him shout in surprise and mortification.

Once Magnus proceeded to his nipples, it was a whole different story, the sensation bringing blood straight to his groin. His boyfriend had an amazing tongue, no doubt, the strange sensation of someone licking his nipples especially arousing. He’d always wondered why he had nipples, seeing how they were totally useless, but now it was a welcome surprise to him.

It was annoying, though, how he had to involuntary hitch his breath every once in a while, the tightening of his abdominal muscles proof to Magnus and his inflated ego that he was doing a very good job.

Not that Magnus didn’t already know how good it felt from the rate his blood was pumping…

Said boyfriend spent an excruciatingly long time on one of his nipples, the other being toyed with between a thumb and index finger, before he switched places. He wanted to say that it was dirty and Magnus should stop, but did he really want to stop?

… No.

Magnus made his way southwards slowly, licking at everything. The warmth, coupled with the strange texture of his tongue, had Alec writhing from the weird feeling and unsure of what he should be doing. Should he touch Magnus? Should he do nothing? What did people actually do when this was done to them?

His face flamed as he got increasingly aroused, letting out tiny, weird sounds that he couldn’t control. It was just weird. Really, really weird, okay? He didn’t know what to do, he didn’t know how people normally responded, and he felt really warm and good and what was he supposed to do for Magnus? Wasn’t it unfair that he was doing so much for Alec and nothing was being done for him?

All thoughts flew out of his mind the moment a hand cupped his groin, Magnus’ staring at him imploringly with his cat eyes. They were a gorgeous colour now, both sides bright, shining and darkened with lust, and Alec made a spontaneous decision to feel the texture of Magnus’ surprisingly soft hair.

“Do you mind…?”

Alec gulped, unsure that they should do this. Magnus could be trusted, of course, but him seeing a part of himself that had been covered up for almost two decades was terribly embarrassing. “I-I’m… I’m not ready yet, I think. I’m sorry…”

He retracted his hand, eyes downcast. He really didn’t want to disappoint Magnus, after all the warlock had done for him, but it was so new to him and in his aroused state, Magnus seeing his groin was terribly unsettling.

What if Magnus found it ugly? What if Magnus suddenly thought he was disgusting? He couldn’t handle it.

To his relief, his boyfriend complied and whispered, “Then is touching it like this alright?” He demonstrated by palming the bulge in Alec’s jeans, Alec immediately jerking his hips in answer.

“Y-Yeah, I guess,” he trailed off, not daring to look his boyfriend in the eye as his right thigh suddenly twitched, worsening his blush. Magnus smiled at the response, and Alec hastily added, “Just get on it!”

“Yes, your highness. Anything for my darling.”

First came some light touching through his boxers and jeans, but when the jeans got a little too tight, Magnus suggested unbuttoning and unzipping them, which Alec complied with easily.

As Alec got more into it (the contact was now almost directly on his quite-thin-boxers), he had started to roll his hips and whimper, and Magnus alternated the pumps and movements of his fingers at random, sometimes almost tickling the organ, and other times, rigorously sliding up and down his groin through the fabric. He began peppering little kisses everywhere, his other free hand pinching Alec’s nipples.

It was quite an overwhelming experience for Alec, from what Magnus saw, because the shadowhunter had never gotten a handjob before. Magnus knew his fingers were amazing, no doubt, and the stimulation from all the most sensitive places? Alec responded beautifully.

Well, it was to be expected, wasn’t it? With a body so unused to physical pleasure rather than pain, he was unusually sensitive and self-aware, and no way was Magnus complaining.

It didn’t take long before Alec began to huff and puff away while his moans got louder, and then it was all over with a shout of pleasure as he came. The front of his boxers got wet, and what Magnus wouldn’t give to actually be skin on skin and actually touching that piece of art that must be hiding underneath those striped, black and white boxers.

Alec took a few minutes to come down from his high and open his eyes, glistening in wonder at Magnus. He’d never gotten a handjob from someone else before, and it was distinctly different from doing it on his own.

“So how was it? Your first handjob?”

“It was good.” Alec smiled sheepishly as he tried to catch his breath, scratching his scalp absently. “But how about you?”

“As cliché as it may sound, it’s all about you today, darling.”

“But-!”

“It’s fine, alright?”

Magnus grinned and pressed a kiss to Alec’s forehead fondly, before getting up and heading for the bathroom.


End file.
